Amanda Lee
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self-worth in relationships

If you've known me for a while, you may not have even known I have some tattoos not easily seen to the untrained eye. Today I'm going to discuss the meaning behind one I decided to get 8 years ago. 
It's very simple with a deep meaning that I've learned to implement in my everyday life. A bow! 
When I was 18 years old I got into a pretty toxic relationship that lasted 3 years and 3 years too long. If he ever read this, I would feel bad because although he was a nice guy, in all honesty, we just didn't bring out the best in each other. In fact, he was the nicest guy, to everyone else but me. This made it really difficult when I finally decided to end it. Our relationship was so intertwined, we had worked together and had some of the same friends and he didn't stop communicating with my family. 
I would get the question, "why did you break up? He's so nice" and he was but they didn't see his other side.  
I don't think anyone got it, or understood, not even him, that two nice people don't necessarily go together. There is so much more to love than individual personalities put together because in chemistry even basic chemicals combined can cause destruction. 
I had to learn self-worth in that relationship and when it started I didn't see the necessity of it. I remember re-reading a letter he had written me dated only 3 months after we began seeing each other. It read along the lines of "you could be a great person, I wish you tried more, I wish you loved me." Back then I wasn't offended by this, hindsight is 20/20 because now I know, I AM a great person and I was a great person he just didn't see it. 
We forced ourselves into a toxic relationship because we kept on saying "why not" instead of "what is it worth?" 
So now I ask this question to anyone "unhappy in love" is someone else's company worth tears, headaches, anger, nausea, pain, swollen eyes, sore throats? Because that just scratches the surface of what arguing in relationships will do to you. Not to mention the mind games and self-doubt that are associated with being with someone who doesn't value you as a person. Towards the end, I was walking on eggshells in order to avoid a fight. In turn, I couldn't truly be myself. 
Sorry not sorry but Bob Marley was wrong when he said "the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." That's a damn lie, not everyone will hurt you. People will treat you right and if you suffer it is  not because they hurt you, it's because you suffer for them through empathy, when they're sad, sick or hurt. 

Often, I hear people's reasons for staying in relationships because of the time that they've been together has been so long and they don't want to "waste it." Think of the future years you might rob yourself if you stay in a broken relationship that doesn't work.

Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to hate yourself. 

Lastly I leave you with my favorite quote about love that makes total sense to me: 

Love is like a fart, if you have to push it, it's probably shit. 

xx

Amanda